Father
by Narcotics
Summary: Nick ain't gonna keep me down! My first actual fic here, most of the time I'm a lurker. Um...the fic is about...well...look at the title. Anyway, be gentle...its my first time.


Hi everyone. This is my first IZ fic that I've put up and I had to get prompted to throw this one on here as it is. Thanks to HMC (who also beta'd this) its here today. Thanks Jenny! Please be nice, I'm new. Pointers are welcome, flames are hurtful. Thanks. Oh yeah, and I don't own Zim or any of the characters in this story. They all belong to JV. On with the show:  
  
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I was quite surprised when I found myself with nothing to do. Usually I had something to keep me running around, but I actually had a moment to relax. I sighed for a minute and let my gaze pass through a nearby window. My eyes rested on all the skateboarding children and couples hurrying by. I sighed again, freeing my thoughts so I could finally concentrate on the important things. Like my life and my family....  
  
....My dad.  
  
Huh, some father he was. He was never there for me: not for baseball games, petty roughhousing, or even to kiss me goodnight. He was never there.  
  
I began to travel farther into the past of my mind. Memories that seemed from ages ago instead of just years began to turn up slowly. A particular time when I was five came into my head. Not a very strong memory; just something I remembered for no apparent reason. Jeez. That was way before Mom died.  
  
I was just playing around in the backyard, working on the things I was interested in, not what he wanted me to do. Follow my profession, son. Be like your old man.  
  
But I didn't want to do that! I've never wanted to do that! That wasn't me. Why couldn't I ever just be my own man?  
  
I remember he called me inside. Come on in, son. Come see what I've done. I did as I was told. I was only five-years-old and I would've killed for a chance to spend time with my father. I came inside slowly and my eyes rested upon a wonder of modern mechanics. My eyes grew wide as I stared at the instrument that was bigger than even I was. You like it huh? Wish you could've made something like this? He'd knelt down to me at that point and turned my head away from the big monster machine.  
  
You can. You could make stuff like this all the time if you were me. You want to be your old man don't you, son?  
  
I shook my head. No, daddy. I love you but I don't want to make things like that. That thing is scary.  
  
He gripped my shoulders and glowered. What's wrong with this? This could be a savior to humanity. He pointed angrily to the groaning thing in front of me. I can't remember what help to humanity he made that time. I just remember how large and frightening it was.  
  
No, Daddy. I don't wanna make stuff like that. I turned to leave but he grasped my hand.  
  
I know what you want to do! You want to be some sort of superhero don't you? You're just a little boy! You can't save the world! He clutched my hand hard and I started to cry. He was mad.  
  
My mother came and rescued me then. Daddy didn't mean to hurt you. She told me while she rocked me back and forth in her lap, my tears wiping off on her blouse; her hands slowly brushing through my dark hair. Your Daddy loves you.  
  
Mom.  
  
God rest her soul. I shook off my past but stayed in my thoughts. Those people had long since passed.  
  
Nothing but leaves crossed my vision as I continued to stare out the window.  
  
I'm not my father! I'll never be you, Dad! You ignored me! You ignored Mom! You ignored everyone! It was always about putting bread on the table. Must work. Must do anything and EVERYTHING but spend time with my family! You're never around anymore Dad. What could be so important now? What could you possibly be occupied with at your age? Even at the holidays it's a miracle if you're around. But business always came before us. Why was it never family first? You're never around anymore but that's fine. I've got my own problems.  
  
This is my family now Dad! MINE!!  
  
Mine....  
  
Are we really alike Dad? You and I? You're old friends still come up to me and say; 'You are your father's son'. Like I haven't heard it my whole life. Is it so true? This family of my "own"; are they really MY own? Do I ignore them? No.... I couldn't possibly, not like how you ignored us. But, when did I last talk to Gaz or to anyone for that matter?  
  
Oh my God.  
  
I am just like him. Oh God there's no way to escape it! He was just like me at this age. I remember! Ignoring everything that wasn't right in front of him. I looked at my shaking hands. I couldn't control them as this realization shocked them into an unstoppable trembling. What have I done? Can I still change?  
  
Of course I can! There's always time! I'm still young! I.... oh God. No. I can't. I've become him and I'm doomed to follow his path for the rest of my life.  
  
Tears welled up in my eyes, but no one could see them behind my glasses, not that anyone was looking. God I just hope Dib turns out to be a better father than I am. 


End file.
